BEST of PONDER on THIS for Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010 by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in PULLING YOUR OWN STRINGS
"The 'you should have' gambit is used virtually every minute of every day, especially in offices around the world, by people who want to tie you up for their convenience…
When people use the 'you should have' tack, they are usually interested in having you feel bad for their own ends, and not in helping you learn from your past mistakes or correct your ignorance. Once they have you feeling bad or stupid, it's easy to convince you that they can't possibly help you, and you're set up for, 'I'm sorry, but there’s nothing I can do now. You should have ….' And if you buy it, off you go, a good little victim, done in by your not recognizing the trap that was so neatly, though perhaps not deliberately, set for you. It is easier to punish someone who unconsciously agrees he should be punished, and 'you should have' is designed to make you think just that…
The only strategy for avoiding the 'you should have' trap is to decline to participate in the ritual by focusing on what actually can reasonably be done in the present. When someone tells you, 'You should have', you can respond with, 'Are you asking me to go back in time and do what you claim I should have done, or can we talk about what really can be done right now'?
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, in "Pulling Your Own Strings"
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When people use the 'you should have' tack, they are usually interested in having you feel bad for their own ends, and not in helping you learn from your past mistakes or correct your ignorance. Once they have you feeling bad or stupid, it's easy to convince you that they can't possibly help you, and you're set up for, 'I'm sorry, but there’s nothing I can do now. You should have ….' And if you buy it, off you go, a good little victim, done in by your not recognizing the trap that was so neatly, though perhaps not deliberately, set for you. It is easier to punish someone who unconsciously agrees he should be punished, and 'you should have' is designed to make you think just that…
The only strategy for avoiding the 'you should have' trap is to decline to participate in the ritual by focusing on what actually can reasonably be done in the present. When someone tells you, 'You should have', you can respond with, 'Are you asking me to go back in time and do what you claim I should have done, or can we talk about what really can be done right now'?
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, in "Pulling Your Own Strings"
For more information regarding this book, visit Amazon.
A FREE service since 1999, "Ponder on This" benefits subscribers, authors, and publishers by including "links" to Amazon.com where subscribers can learn more about the book being quoted, and also purchase it. In all instances these links are provided as a convenience, and do NOT generate any type of compensation for Pondercentral.
Individuals interested in a direct subscription to "Ponder on This" are requested to please click here or feel free to forward to a friend. To contact Pondercentral via email, please click here.
Posted by Jeff Maziarek at 8/2/2010 6:00 PM 
Categories: Ponder on This Daily Inspiration, Present Moment Awareness
Tags: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Pulling Your Own Strings
Categories: Ponder on This Daily Inspiration, Present Moment Awareness
Tags: Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Pulling Your Own Strings
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