“If you are trying to undo a past behavior pattern, there are two ways you unintentionally keep it alive: The first way is by judging and resisting it. What you resist persists. If you keep bringing it up, it will keep bringing you down. Guilt is resistance to the presence of love, persecution turned inward. (A good definition of guilt is, “punishing yourself before God doesn’t.”) If you want to make sure you keep doing something, just keep feeling guilty about it. If you want to remove its hold on you, find evidence for your innocence. Keep trying different perspectives on for size until you find relief. Try to understand why you were drawn to the behavior.
Perhaps anyone who had the experiences that led up to that behavior might have chosen the same route. Was there any good that came out of the experience? Did (or do) you actually enjoy it, but according to societal standards, you are not supposed to? Have you learned through the experience? Are you stronger, wiser, deeper, or more compassionate? Did the experience and its results move you to a new place in your life that you would not have come to otherwise? How would someone who truly loved you view the behavior? Do anything you can to shift your regard of the event(s) from judgment to compassion and empowerment.
The second way you keep your past in force is by broadcasting it. The more you call others’ attention to it, the more you reinforce its power over you. Now their thoughts, feelings, and expectations are added to the mix.”
Alan Cohen, in “Why Your Life Sucks…And What You Can Do About It”
For more information regarding this book, visit Amazon.
service since 1999, “Ponder on This” benefits subscribers, authors, and
publishers by including “links” to Amazon.com where subscribers can
learn more about the book being quoted, and also purchase it. In all instances
these links are provided as a convenience,and do NOT generate any type of
compensation for Pondercentral.